I'm at work all by my lonely. Hmm, and nothing left for me to do.
Things have been rather crappy lately. I don't know what I want. I'm just utterly screwed up and therefore everything I try to do just gets screwed up too ... why IS that? I have begun to blame it on my sign (newest excuse) because then perhaps it's not all my fault for making wrong decisions time and again .. plus never learning from my mistakes or ever really regretting my actions.
I have learned that there is a big difference between regret and feeling bad about something. I feel bad a lot, damn conscience ... but rarely do I regret anything or I must not because I torture myself with dilemmas over and over and they are sort of the same in nature. That sort of nature would be "things Jenna knows is wrong and will feel bad about but does anyway".
*sigh*
I don't know just what to do with myself.
I'll be okay I suppose. Always am ... eventually and there's no real point in just worrying others for problems that are all in my own head, eh? I'm so sick of always having to do the right thing ... SO SICK OF IT. I've never once in my entire life passed up the opportunity to do the moral thing to fix or prevent or alleviate or what have you ... just let me be immoral, send me to hell, crap I don't care anymore it just makes me so damn unhappy.
Plus I don't believe in hell, not really so I don't mind "going" there.
Or I could just party in hell. Hell is a big party because those people wouldn't be happy in heaven. I imagine heaven is kinda boring because ... you can't do "bad" things there, right? Hah. Okay whatever.
I'm bored.
That's all for now.
Today is "his" birthday. I should call or something ... not quite done with the gift thing under the given circumstances ... if ya know what I mean ...
Bleh.
I saw the "chicken leg boy" in Border's last night. Dustin from Punahou and I kept looking at him because he looked so damn familiar but I just couldn't place him ... I wonder if he noticed, I'm not all that discreet all of the time ... he looks sorta punk-ish. Ooh, punk boys ;) Maybe it was just his earring, which I'm normally against if it's a pretty boy earring ... punky earrings are hott. Haha. I was tempted to go up and ask him if that's who he was but realized that, if I was right, then I'd have to explain how I knew him and that would have been just kind of weird.
The crappiest thing ever is missing someone who's sitting right next to you.
3:19 p.m. - January 29, 2003
Recent entries:
blah - April 24, 2006
the more things change, the more they stay the same - December 28, 2005
asses - April 15, 2005
bleh - February 18, 2005
k - October 10, 2004
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